Menopause: What’s Going On and How Not to Get It Completely Wrong

Something’s changed.

She’s not sleeping, she’s snapping at you for chewing too loudly, and the house is either roasting hot or every window’s wide open while you’re sat there in a fleece wondering what you did wrong.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to menopause.

It’s not just a bit of a mood or a phase she’ll breeze through with herbal tea and a few deep breaths. It’s a full-on hormonal shake-up that can turn even the calmest home into a bit of a minefield.

What’s really going on?

Her body’s going through a massive internal shift. Hormones that used to keep everything running smoothly have gone missing, and the result is broken sleep, sudden hot flushes, mood swings that come out of nowhere, and a body that doesn’t feel quite right anymore.

She didn’t choose this. She can’t control it. And the last thing she needs is you standing there looking baffled, suggesting she “get some fresh air” or “try a bit of stretching.”

So, if you’d rather not make things worse (and you’d quite like to stay happily partnered), here’s your no-nonsense guide to getting it right:

Five things every man really needs to know to handle menopause like a decent human being.

1. Keep Your Opinions on Her Body to Yourself

Menopause can change a woman’s body. She might gain weight, lose weight, get a bit of a belly, none of it is your concern. If you love your life, now is the time to practice the fine art of saying nothing.

If she asks, "Do I look different?" the correct answer is a version of:

• “You look lovely”

• “You are doing great”

Trust me, this is not the moment to start offering diet advice. Offer a cup of tea and her favorite snack instead.

2. Listen — properly

If she says she’s tired, don’t reply with “you just need a walk” or “have you tried switching off earlier?” She’s not looking for a solution — she’s looking for someone to hear her.

You don’t need to fix anything. You just need to sit down, nod, and make eye contact like you’re actually interested (even if you’re halfway through Match of the Day in your head). In fact, BE interested!

Ask - is there anything I can do for your right now?

Remember - sometimes, she just needs to be heard. Maybe pour her a cup of tea (or a large glass of wine, depending on the day).

3. Sex might be different — don’t make it a drama

Some days she might be up for it. Other days, not even close. This doesn’t mean she’s gone off you or that something’s wrong — her body’s simply calling the shots right now.

What helps? Patience, gentleness, and open conversation (without sulking or taking it personally). Keep the connection alive in other ways too — cuddles, laughter, small gestures. It all counts.

A little tenderness goes a long way.

4. Don’t take the mood swings personally

One moment everything’s fine, the next you’re getting a look that could curdle milk — and you’re not sure what you’ve done. The answer might be: nothing.

Her moods might change fast. That’s not a sign she’s fed up with you — it’s just her system trying to adjust to the hormonal chaos. Your job is to stay steady, stay kind, and keep the snacks flowing. Most of the time, it’ll pass quicker than you think.

There will be days when she feels lost, exhausted, or just plain fed up. She might say, "I don’t even know what’s wrong with me."

Correct responses:

• "I’ve got you."

• "I’m here if you need me"

• "I could use a walk. Fancy joining me?"

5. The heating is no longer your decision

One minute she’s cold, the next she’s overheating and standing by an open window in the middle of winter. That’s not her being dramatic — it’s her body trying to cope with sudden temperature shifts.

You might be chilly, but this isn’t the time to argue over the thermostat. Just add an extra layer, grab a blanket if you need to, and let her find what helps her feel comfortable. It’s a small gesture, but it makes a big difference.

Final Thoughts - It’s Not Just Her Battle

Menopause isn’t a problem to be solved—it’s a transformation, a rite of passage. She’s becoming a new version of herself, one that doesn’t have time for nonsense. Support her, love her and keep showing up.

You don’t need to be an expert in hormones or get everything right - she’s not expecting perfection. But showing up with a bit of patience, a bit of humour, and a lot of kindness? That goes a long way.

Menopause can feel like unfamiliar ground, but it’s not a battle to win — it’s a chance to stand beside her while she navigates one of the biggest shifts in her life. Some days she’ll need space. Some days she’ll need a cuddle. Some days she’ll just need you to put the kettle on without asking a single question.

And if you can manage that — if you can stay steady while everything’s shifting — you won’t just survive this chapter, you’ll come through it closer.

Let’s be honest: she’s put up with your snoring, your DIY disasters, and your questionable dance moves for years. This is your moment to return the favour.

You’ve got this.

And if you’re unsure — tea helps, toast never hurts, peace and quiet goes a long way, and a walk outside can work wonders.

Need a bit of help figuring all this out? I work with men who want to understand their relationships better, communicate without making things worse, and actually enjoy this stage of life instead of just surviving it.