Struggling with Thoughts About Your Partner’s Past? You’re Not Alone.

Let’s get straight to it.

You trust your partner. You know they’re not doing anything wrong. But you can’t stop thinking about their past. Who they were with, what they did, and how it makes you feel now. Maybe it’s driving you mad. You hate feeling like this, but the thoughts won’t let go.

That’s retroactive jealousy.

It’s when your partner’s past, something you know logically isn’t a threat, starts to eat away at you. You feel angry, anxious, even ashamed. You don’t want to feel this way. You don’t want to be that guy. But it’s there. And it’s messing with your head, your relationship, and your confidence.

You might catch yourself:

• Constantly asking questions you already know the answers to

• Comparing yourself to their ex

• Replaying mental images that make you feel sick

• Avoiding intimacy because your mind won’t shut up

• Feeling embarrassed to talk about it

You’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not weak.

This is more common than you think, it just doesn’t get talked about much. Most men don’t want to admit it. But bottling it up only makes it worse.

Here’s the truth: Retroactive jealousy isn’t about your partner’s past. It’s about what their past triggers in you. It can bring up insecurity, fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, all the stuff we don’t like to talk about but all carry underneath.

The good news? It can be worked through.

You don’t need to stay stuck in this loop. With the right support, you can get to the root of what’s going on, learn to manage those intrusive thoughts, and start showing up in your relationship feeling calm, confident, and grounded.

I work with men going through exactly this. No judgement. Just straight-talking support, practical tools, and a space to work through it all without feeling like you’re being analysed or labelled.

If you’re tired of overthinking, tired of snapping at your partner, tired of feeling ashamed for something you can’t control, it might be time to talk.

Drop me a message if this sounds like you. You don’t have to do it alone.